Reverse Culture Shock

Well, we're back. Two months and 1000 bug bites later, Izabelle and I have re-entered life in the US. My first thoughts were that it seems surreal to have left rural Dominican Republic on Friday morning and to so quickly be back in the US. Worlds apart, yet so close. I was instantly bombarded by sounds and sights and smells that brought me back, almost too quickly. At every turn my thought was, I wonder how my Dominican friends would react to this or to that. I think what I'm going through is called Reverse Culture Shock, a term used to describe the feelings (of surprise, disorientation, confusion, etc.) experienced when people return to their home country and find they do not fit in as they used to. This may be due to a change in perspective, a decrease in excitement, an appreciation for and of different customs, or because during the travels the home country was idealized. 


Although I could have done without all the mosquitoes, pretty much everything else is ... better there? More down to earth? Simpler, yet others see it as more difficult. Depends on from which end of the spectrum you originate. And I wonder ... is the grass ALWAYS greener?

So many of my Dominican friends have the desire to come to the US to realize the "American Dream". Something that seems so illusive for many Americans and others, and actually unattractive to me personally. Try as I might to present and hold my position, very few Dominican friends every really understand where I'm coming from. They look at me quizzically when I try to explain to them what a paradise they have right where they live. Surrounded by mountains, and palm trees, beautiful beaches, fresh fish from the vast blue Caribbean Ocean, fresh fruits and vegetables galore grown in every backyard on the island, beautiful music to dance to at every turn, and more ... it certainly seems like paradise to me. Perhaps they would try to convince me that what we have here in the US is paradise to them? And then I would be the one looking quizzically at them!


Everyone in every village I've ever visited knows everyone, many being related in some way or another. They pass time by visiting with each other over a cup of coffee or a meal, without thought of time or agenda. They live in the moment, everyday a precious gift, not knowing what tomorrow will bring, not even worrying too much about anything. What a gift this has been for me, to be able to learn to live in the moment, to get lost in conversation and activity, not worried about what's next. 


I have long held my own "Dominican Dream". We'll see if one day soon I can realize it, living in paradise, as it seems to me to be. Thinking about it makes it that much more difficult to re-enter the US. But yet here I am, ready to live in the moment here for as long as it takes to get to the point where I can live in the moment there.

Losing track of time ...

When was the last time you actually forgot which day of the week it was, what time of day it was, or didn´t have a detailed schedule in mind for the next day ... well it´s happened for us here. I think it´s what we´re searching for when we want to truly live IN the moment. No thoughts of past or future moments are running through your mind, you´re just thinking of what is going on at that exact moment in time. Without cell phone in hand constantly, and not wearing a watch, it´s hard to know exactly what time it is. And not being pressed to be anywhere at any particular time, it really isn´t necessary to know the time. Which then leads one to be able to live IN the present moment. One of many gifts we have received over the past couple of months.


So many folks are caught up in accumulating things, amassing savings, etc. They can't figure out how to live IN the here and now. Really that's all we have, this moment, right now. Nothing more is guaranteed. I see this quality in children. But as we get older we are taught to leave that mentality behind, to become consumers, to take care of ourselves, to be independent. I think everyone could use a good dose of what we are getting here!

All Rivers Lead to the Same Ocean

I heard this proverb somewhere this week, and sure enough have experienced several examples recently. Living in a different culture for awhile makes one realize that there are many means of getting to the same end. What I might think is the most logical way of doing something or getting somewhere, is not necessarily the most logical to someone else, especially if they grew up in a culture different from mine. I am determined to let my logic go, in some cases, in favor of those who perhaps know better. I´m definately living outside my comfort zone in these cases, but learning that ... All Rivers Lead to the Same Ocean.

It Rained Today ...

... more than I remember it ever raining here at once in a long time. My plans on Monday this week, which I happened to remember was our Independence Day back home, were to help in Deisi's kitchen for a couple of hours in the morning, eat an early lunch, and then make our way into Barahona. I had some work to do on the computer and then Izabelle had been bugging me for a week to go to the pool or beach! We also had plans to leave sometime this afternoon for Puerta Plata for several days. But with the amount of rain pouring down, everything changed. One of the kitchen helpers didn't show up, rain was coming down in sheets, and I soon realized we weren't going anywhere today and maybe nowhere for several days, which is how everything eventually played out. We stayed put. I worked with Deisi and her staff all day long, peeling a pound of garlic, as I have been doing most mornings, as well as other vegetables such as carrot, potato and tayote. I served water, bussed tables, washed dishes, etc. All the while the rain kept coming down in buckets. I thought it might never stop. I was told the forecast was that it would be like this much of the week. Having seen no news or weather reports myself since early June, I had to accept what I was being told and know that this week would be much different than I had planned. Precisely why Dominicans always complete a forward-thinking statement with the phrase "God willing".

We actually had lots of fun staying put in the rain. At one point Izabelle exclaimed that it was just like being at the pool! So in case you were wondering where my weekly post was, well here it is. A week late. This week's lesson - flexibility - goes hand in hand with patience. If we can't do as we planned on a particular day, then we'll have fun doing what we can do. And we'll readjust our plans for another day.

In the States, rain rarely halts things as it does here. People with vehicles are still able to proceed with most things as planned. But folks traveling by motorbike or public guagua (minivan) are pretty much at a standstill. Unless you don't mind arriving at your destination cold and soaking wet. For me it seemed I wasn't so pressed to be anywhere but right where we were. I didn't even feel so inconvenienced by the weather. I was really needed in the kitchen. The pool and beach will still be there when we can get there. And I was even able to reschedule our trip to Puerto Plata. It seems that some of the patience I've been looking for is beginning to set in, just as I had hoped it would.

Next hitch in the giddyup will be a nationwide strike scheduled for Monday July 11. I've been advised that nobody will go anywhere on that day. Folks will be protesting in the streets against a whole host of perceived injustices such as the price of gasoline (nearly $7 a gallon), the price of food, the lack of constant electricity and water, etc. The National Police force will be out en masse as well as military forces to control the well organized demonstrations in all Dominican provinces. No worries here. I just know in advance to have an extra measure of patience and flexibility in mind on Monday!

This week´s lesson ... Paciencia - Patience

Paciencia es la actitud que lleva al ser humano a poder soportar cualquier contratiempo y dificultad. Or in English, patience is the attitude that leads human beings to accept any setback or difficulty. Not that we´ve experienced any setbacks or true dfficulties, but I have noticed this trip more than any other, that I lack the patience of these people.


Dominicans, and perhaps most people who live in less developed parts of the world, have patience I can only dream of having someday. Where does it come from, this abundance of patience? Maybe it´s so apparent to me because at home we work so hard at speeding everything up. So then it´s really difficult to re-adjust to a slower pace. Everything moves slower here, and sometimes doesn´t move at all. I´m referring not just to electronics, such as internet and phones, but also traffic, food preparation, construction projects, etc. It is certainly a gift I would like to possess. Maybe more time here will do the trick. I sure hope so.


Hope you´re enjoying these posts as well as our photos on facebook. If you cannot access the albums on facebook for some reason, send me an email at kiskeya2011 at gmail.com and I will email you the links. Enjoy!

Dominican Life vs The Catholic Worker Movement

I have recently recognized that life here in the Dominican Republic is interestingly similar to life in the Catholic Worker Movement. Although there are certainly contradictions, such as distribution of wealth and issues of gender inequality, I think you´ll agree with me that, in some respects, life here is a mirror of what we strive for in the Catholic Worker Tradition.

Most folks here share everything, children and adults alike. Everything here is recycled and reused. Most economize, trying not to take more than his or her fair share. Each village is one big community, many families having lived in one place for generations so that most are related in some manner or another. Several generations often live together under the same roof, caring for one another if they are ill and as they get older, cooking for them and continuing to share life with them until the end. They have learned the art of true recreation and allowing life to pass by at a slower pace. It costs little or nothing to go to the beach for the afternoon together or create games in the streets with neighborhood friends. Meals with family and friends are a daily occurance. Work is shared too, from farming to fishing, small construction projects, clothes washing, cooking meals together, caring for one another and for each others children.

I believe that if someone here needed a glass of water or to use a telephone or was stranded without a ride somewhere, that one could stop at anyones house, ask for help, and recieve whatever was needed without expection of remuneration. Tools are shared with others as needed, such as wheel barrows and shovels. Concrete is mixed by hand with picks and shovels rather than machine, and there are always folks available to chip in to help.

The concept of personalism is embraced, in that if something needs to be done or taken care of, then the person who notices it works towards taking care of it. There doesn´t seem to be much hierarchy here, in that all are empowered or encouraged to do what they need to and want to in order to improve conditions. If you need a septic tank, then you build it yourself with the help of extended family and neighbors. If you want to open a small business such as a restaurant, then you do it! And when something is really needed that a person cannot do by themselves, then there is no shame in asking others to pitch in and help. Everything seems possible with time and a positive attitude. If not, then the feeling here is that it likely wasn´t meant to be at that moment in time. Everyone here seems full of patience, having faith that eventually whatever it is that one wants or needs to happen will happen, with time and God´s will.

Relationships and taking time to enjoy simple things are valued over making lots of money and accumulating lots of stuff. Daily chores and manual labor are valued. Things are purchased as needed for the day from the market each morning. Nothing goes to waste, as there are always pigs, chickens and dogs available to eat the leftovers, if there are any. Many folks here have fruit trees and vegetable gardens in their yards so that much of what they eat is home grown. Meat is purchased fresh each day from the butcher at the meat market, while coffee, rice, sugar and other staples are grown locally.

Although I still note that there are distinct gender rolls in place, women are now accepted in the police force and military positions, as well as small business owners and are often seen driving motorcycles, something I rarely saw when I began coming here some 18 years ago. Occasionally men are employed as elementary school teachers now and are often seen caring for and playing with their children. Even though it would be odd for them to know their way around the kitchen, they can be seen tending to the barbeque grill!

I have plenty of photos to share of this past week, including Deisi in her kitchen and Domingo building a septic tank so that their indoor plumbing project can progress, but it will be later this week before those photos can be uploaded. Stay tuned!

That was quite a day!

I´ve encouraged Izabelle to write in her journal every night since arriving in the Dominican Republic. Although it may be just one page each day, or less, she manages to cover all the high points. And she ends each entry with, That was quite a day! or something similar.

Every day here is, in fact, quite a day! Days are full of surprises and blessings and simple things we often take for granted, like running water and electricity and an abundance of food, friends, good music and breath taking scenery.

My friends, Deisi and Domingo, lived in a one bedroom house with their children when I met them some 16 years ago. All but one has left the nest since then. And they have since moved into much more comfortable environs, including running water indoors, nearly constant electricity, etc. When we´ve visited them in years past we´ve enjoyed outdoor bucket showers and candle lit evenings. Now we can shower in the privacy of an indoor bathroom and have a fan blowing on us all night to shoo away the mosquitos and the unforgiving heat.

Delicious meals are available morning, noon and night since Deisi´s restaurant is up and running at full capacity. We always have rice and beans for lunch with our choice of chicken, pork or fish along with salads, fresh juices, etc.

The beaches in the southwest of the Dominican Republic are some of the most beautiful and peaceful places I´ve ever been. Their music is so lively that one cannot help but sing along and eventually get up and dance.

Dominican people are content with today and with what today brings, always praying for the future, but not caught up in it so much that they miss the blessings of today. They are so firm in their faith that every future thinking comment is followed by the phrase, God willing. Their faith extends to knowing that God will always provide enough of whatever is needed, especially at meal time.

On Sundays Deisi´s restaurant is closed, but she still cooks three meals for her family, and for many friends who will inevitably stop by at just the right time. Yesterday was no exception, lunch always being the biggest meal of each day, and Deisi cooked a gigantic pot of speghetti, fried plantain and potatoes, and a whole chicken roasted on the barbeque grill. I was gathering plates and utensils to set the table and asked Deisi how many we should expect for lunch. She said to get at least 10 place settings ready even though there were only 6 of us at the moment, because she said that someone else will always appear. And in fact, when we set down to eat, there was a group of kids present who had been playing with Izabelle that morning. Deisi happily served all of them, about 5 or 6, and all of us, before making her own plate. In total, about 15 of us had plenty to eat together. And there were even some leftovers!

One more quick story to complete the week. Izabelle has been hanging onto my loose change during our trip. It´s cumbersome, not very useful except for small purchases of suckers and gum, plus that way she always feels like she has a little spending money with her. As we were sitting and writing in our journals just now at an outdoor cafe in Barahona, a little boy, barefoot and dressed in some tattered jeans and a tshirt, was begging us for something. I asked Izabelle if she wanted to share some of her pesos with him, and maybe the rest of her soda. She quickly located a 10 peso coin (about 35 cents) and pressed it into his hand. Before she could get back to him with what was left in her soda bottle, she found that he was drinking water from a garden hose nearby. She offered him her coke and he happily accepted it. She said he told her, Gracias, both times. She then spent some time trying to figure out why he would have been begging, barefoot, drinking out of a garden hose. She wondered where his parents were, and what would put a child in those circumstances. We can only guess. And keep him in our prayers. I´m sorry that she has to see that reality. However, I´m glad that she was so willing to share, and concerned enough to wonder what has caused this boy to be in this position.

Week #1

In this first week of transition, many exciting things have happened. 

To begin our travels, we got to spend a night and part of a day with our friends in Louisville, KY who are connected to the Casa Latina Catholic Worker House. Maria and her 8 year old daughter, Fernanda, were wonderful hostesses. Besides good food we enjoyed a bike ride through their neighborhood as well as time for painting some pictures, as Fernanda is quite a talented artist!

The following couple of days were spent reconnecting with Alexandria, who is on her way to a summer internship with The Shepherd Poverty Alliance working on the Clinton Foundation's Haiti Initiative at their offices in Harlem while living on campus at NYU. Alexandria's true challenge this summer is to figure out how to live on $14 a day for metro transportation, food, laundry and other incidentals. Thankfully, her room at NYU is covered. And she will have access to a kitchen. Perhaps she'll locate some soup kitchens and a pantry or two where she can get some help stretching her summer stipend!

The remainder of this week has been spent having fun with cousins, reconnecting with my sister and her family. On a sad note, her father-in-law passed away last week at age 87, so they had traveled back to Missouri at the same time we were on the road to Georgia. We likely crossed paths on the highway. Alexandria was here at their house to greet us. We've had a full week of visiting our new town, including Izabelle's new school and our new apartment complex. We've shopped for things we'll all be needing for our summer adventures outside of Georgia. We've played in the hot tub, at the parks nearby, and even climbed Stone Mountain together!

We're almost packed and ready to go. Stay tuned for weekly updates!

Jesus said, Give it all away.

Matthew 19:21 Jesus said, "If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." 

Personally, I'm really not worried so much about treasure in heaven, but I am concerned about having true treasure while here on earth, which I believe has nothing much to do with tangible items.  I joked with friends not long ago that we could likely live without 90% of our possessions, that I actually thought that most of us could manage with much less than what we claim we need to survive in this world. 


Shortly after speaking these words, I found myself selling and/or giving away most of our possessions. I realized that we really couldn't afford a moving van and gas to get the bulk of our things to the next destination. And so I decided that rather than spend money we didn't have, that maybe we could make a little money to help us get to the next point, and help others at the same time. And that we did. Between a book store, an antique dealer and a consignment shop, we were able to make a little. That which was not worth much, we gave away to Salvation Army. And we moved, with one car load of possessions, plus some boxes that my mother and sister were able to store for us.


It turned out that all that was really important in the end were a few items of clothing, books, photos, toys, electronics, our bikes, toiletries, linens and kitchen items. We saved some artwork, heirloom china, and some holiday decorations. But the bulk of what we'd hung onto for so long was really, in the end, not worth hanging onto. Rather it was weighing us down. It was keeping us from being free to do what Jesus really intends for us to do, which is to follow Him.


So it is with a much lighter load that we transition into the next chapter of life, having given almost all of it away. I do wish to be complete, to be whole, to follow Jesus. I'll let you know how it goes. And we'd love to hear how it goes for you too! Please stay in touch.

The Adventure Begins

I'm a firm believer in the first half of the saying attributed to Alexander Graham Bell: “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” In my experience, when one chapter has finished, the next is right there ready to jump into, full of new and different adventures. In looking back on past chapters, I attempt to remember the positive experiences, the good life lessons learned, and carry those into the next chapter, no regrets. 


Izabelle and I are beginning a new chapter this summer, spending two months on the island of Kiskeya, which is the Haitian Creole spelling of the native Taino peoples' word for their homeland. Dominicans spell it Quisqueya in Spanish. More commonly this island, which contains Haiti and the Dominican Republic, is called Hispaniola, named such by Christopher Columbus when he mistakenly landed there in 1492, thinking he had arrived in India.


Well, enough for the history lesson. Izabelle and I have some grand adventures planned by reconnecting with long time friends in the Dominican Republic, helping with their family restaurant, and for Izabelle, learning more about their culture and to speak Spanish! In Haiti, I'll have a work project or two and hope to visit with friends there, as well.


We hope you'll subscribe to our blog so that you'll get an email notice each time we post an update. Please post comments for us here or send us an email at kiskeya2011@gmail.com. We'd love to hear about your upcoming adventures, too! By the end of the summer we'll be settled into our new home, which we'll write more about later in the summer.